dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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