when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
