I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
