Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
