Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
