I CAN MOONWALK!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
