Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
