They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
