It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
