Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
