literally had 100 drinks last night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
