I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
