I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
