Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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