oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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