YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
