We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
