Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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