Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
