weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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