I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
