so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
