I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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