she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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