through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
