Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
