I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
