i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
