My hand turned me down
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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