Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
