there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
