He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
