Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
