i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is my gift to your gina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
