We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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