You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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