I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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