If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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