DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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