I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
