I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
