Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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