wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
