I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
