You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
