Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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