the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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