i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
