wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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