Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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