hotel room ftw
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
