Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
