Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
