My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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