i love accidental penises.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
