Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
