dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
